Best names for the new Braves stadium.

BravesLeadWhile everyone is arguing about who is going to pay for the new stadium, I’m worried about details that matter like what the new stadium will be called.  My good friend Charlie Harper talks about some of the monetary considerations involved in naming rights, but I wanna go a little deeper.  What’s really in a name.  It’s personality, it’s history, it’s a reflection of the spirit of where you come from…like Philips Arena…and the new stadium should reflect just that.  With the personality, history, and spirit of Cobb County in mind, here are my best suggestions for a name.

Rebel Coliseum

Georgia is the South.  Anyone here will tell you that, and has certainly told me that since you’re a “Yankee” if you’re not from here.  Regardless if transplants come from Wyoming where cities weren’t really settled until after the Civil…excuse me, War of Northern Agression…and the State didn’t even exist as a State until 1890.  Nonetheless, I’m here now where people still believe in state’s “rights” and the Stars and Bars are looked at with nostalgia.  Of course, there’s no better way to demonstrate that commitment to the past than ensuring certain folks can’t even come to the stadium.  Great idea!

The other factor I’m not mentioning here, of course, is how awesome would it be for a Braves-Yankees World Series to take place in Yankee Stadium and Rebel Coliseum.  Of course, the Braves can’t seem to beat the Yankees, though, so maybe that’s not such a good idea after all.  Might conjure up some bad memories…

Chamber Citizens Field

Am I the only one that thinks the Georgia Chamber might really be the impetus behind this madness?  Hear me out.  Chamber spends upwards of $8 million to get shelacked in the Atlanta region by 26 points for the TSPLOST.  They know that the conservative bastion of Cobb County hates taxes more than anything else…but wait, do they hate taxes more than they love the Braves?  Ahhhh ha!  Well, considering the fear that the 75/285 interchange is already a sticky subject for evening commuters trying to get home, this seems a perfect way to say “…hey, I know you guys don’t like this, but….well, maybe you wanna talk about it now?”

What way to better honor the potential partnership between the Chamber and the Citizens of Cobb County than to name a baseball stadium after their wonderful relationship.  Kinda like Brangelina…except uglier…

Outside the Perimeter Park

Already referenced are the comments by Cobb GOP Chairman Joe Dendy that were widely publicized today, but let’s see how they can actually reflect the passion that people OTP have about being OTP:

 It is absolutely necessary the solution is all about moving cars in and around Cobb and surrounding counties from our north and east where most Braves fans travel from, and not moving people into Cobb by rail from Atlanta.

The OTP v. ITP debate is never ending.  With ITP you get the hip, swank, metro environments of Midtown and Buckhead.  With OTP you get suburbia in all its grandeur.  It’s why MARTA doesn’t even come close to where people live in Cobb County and why North Fulton folks said “that’s far enough” to the line when it gets to Sandy Springs.  OTPers may be a bunch of squares, but it’s a lot cheaper to live and you don’t have to deal with those pesky taxes or Atlanta School Board folks.  Since the stadium will be built just outside the perimeter, clearly that’s a demonstration the Braves hated being ITP and made the move out with everyone else.  Creative Loafing doesn’t like SUVs?  Well, we hope you don’t like Braves baseball, either, cause you ain’t gettin’ there no other way…

…then again, it’s Creative Loafing.  The Braves are racist, and sports comes as far up the list of priorities as buying Sarah Palin’s new book.  Buy a car, hippies!

Lee Memorial Stadium

Tim Lee won re-election on the back of an ill conceived idea about incorporating East Cobb.  Nonetheless, the Republican base – ya know, the ones that send out press releases letting everyone know who they are – still don’t like him a whole lot which makes the stadium deal a risky bet.  If taxes end up being hiked to finance bonds, it’s inevitably going to end up on his head.

So, I’ll fully admit this name is as likely to be selected as not, but don’t bet against it yet.  Other public financing deals have resulted in the death (and resurrection of once dead) political careers.  Should this be an abysmal failure, we may be seeing a memorial procession in the Spring of 2016.

Now, inevitably I don’t think these names will be chosen, but only because I don’t have the money to splash for naming rights.  I’m going to start a change.org petition, though, to make sure the Braves are heard…cause that’s worked before in Cobb County.