Coulter is a dunce…

Yesterday, Ann Coulter posted an article about America’s pastime of “hating soccer.”  Saying that America’s growing interest in soccer is a sign of “moral decay” is ridiculous.  Here’s a baseless claim!  Saying you agree with Ann Coulter on anything is a sign of intellectual impotence (sorry, Jessica…).  That’s true ’cause I said it is…

In any case, it’s been a while since I posted.  To that, all two of you who still read this archives of this blog should thank Ann Coulter for that.  She awoke a sleeping giant that understands what he’s actually talking about when it comes to the game of football – yes, football.  So let’s take a look at some of her ridiculousness in depth.  I don’t want this to be misunderstood – football (soccer) as a sport in the United States isn’t what American football is.  Nobody is making that claim.  But, to make the claims that Coulter does…ha, well, that just takes a special kind of delusion that only she can pull off.  Onto the facts…


CLAIM:  There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child’s fragile self esteem is bruised…do they even have MVPs in soccer?

FACT:  Uhhh, yes.  First off, a slew of annual individual awards are dished out by the various leagues and organizations around the world.  The Ballon D’Or?  The worldwide soccer MVP – no other sport has that.  The EPL has players and media both vote on individual player awards.  Furthermore, players get benched all the time for poor performances.  Remember Landon Donovan?  Yeah, the big news he wasn’t selected for the USMNT and there were no apologies for it.


CLAIM:  Liberal moms like soccer because it’s a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys.

FACT:  I’m yet to see evidence that she’s ran onto a soccer pitch…ever…she spends most of her time writing useless drivel and sucking down coffee and diet cokes.  Furthermore, she’s just flat out wrong.  Could you imagine Prince Fielder running up and down the pitch?  Soccer athletes run an average of seven miles per game – seven miles in ninety minutes, a pace that amateur runners would find to be good in a half marathon.  Oh yeah, American football (and I’m calling it American football) players can expect to only move in action for about 11 minutes – of a sixty minute game.  Plus, how many steroid scandals have there been in the last ever in football?  This isn’t to say that there aren’t athletes in other sports, but it does say there are athletes in football.


CLAIM:  Even in football…there are few scoreless ties – and it’s a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300 pound bruisers are trying to crush you.”

FACT:  “No other ‘sport’ ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer.”  << Her words, not mine.


CLAIM:  “The prospect of personal humiliation or major injury in required to count as a sport.”

FACT:  If these don’t disgust you, I don’t honestly know what will.


CLAIM:  “Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace.”

FACT:  Yes, and it’s usually because they’re using performance enhancing drugs or appearing in the police blotter.


CLAIM:  “In hockey, there are three or four fights a game — and it’s not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour.”

FACT:  Actually, Ann, there are less than 1 fights per game and really haven’t been higher than 1.3.  Nice job on your research.  Oh, and for the record, soccer balls with greater surface area and less density travel at a pretty high rate of speed.  Science says that’s pretty impressive.


CLAIM:  We don’t have to be endlessly told how exciting (American) football is.

FACT:  Apparently you’ve never watched the Baltimore Ravens play the Cleveland Browns…


CLAIM:  “It’s foreign…one group of sports fans with whom soccer is not ‘catching-on’ is African-Americans.  They remain distincly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.”

FACT:  I’m unimpressed with the fact the French like it.  I’m impressed with the fact that fat lazy bastards don’t play it because they have to move for more than 11 minutes a game.  That said, African-Americans remain unimpressed with NASCAR (a very, very American sport), but I don’t see her complaining about that national pastime.

But, let’s talk about that “foreign” aspect a little bit more.  All American based sports leagues have salary caps of some sort (baseball has a luxury tax for rosters worth more than a certain amount), collective bargaining, strong players unions — all of which this “European” game don’t have.  Teams are equaled out by revenue sharing.  The Pittsburgh Pirates didn’t even have to win games to be a successful business.  Talk about mediocrity being rewarded.

That said, European teams who overspend routinely have to enter administration (a.k.a., bankruptcy) and financially and competitively suffer because of it.  Player contracts are routinely bought and sold at a negotiated market value.  There are no salary caps.  There is no revenue redistribution.  Ann Coulter is a communist.


CLAIM:  “Soccer is like the metric system.”

FACT:  The box where the goalie is able to use his hands is measured 18 yards, dunce.


CLAIM:  Soccer is not “catching on.”  If more “Americans” are watching soccer today, it’s only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy’s 1965 immigration law.  One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.”

FACT:  Well, I’ll say this – nobody makes the claim that football is America’s pastime.  Nobody.  However, to say the game hasn’t grown in the United States is a completely ridiculous statement.  Major League Soccer is an established league in the United States that averages more fans per game than the NHL and NBA.  Over 3 million boys and girls are registered players with US Soccer. It is catching on, becoming more popular, and widely supported as a sport.


Veterans Day Tidbits – November 11, 2013

Today is Veterans Day.  Of course, it all started with the guns falling silent on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month.  Woodrow Wilson had this to say about that solemn occasion:

To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country’s service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nations.

Here’s my thing about Veterans Day.  There is no inherent greatness for being a veteran.  Throughout our history, we’ve seen instances where active service personnel and veterans have hurt people.  However, veterans who honor the value the see in fighting for freedom throughout their life do something precious.  Free people fight to live every day, they fight to say “My life is mine, and I will do whatever I can to ensure that all the people I know – and even the people I don’t – can own their life, too.”  That is what makes Veterans Day – and every day – something great to celebrate.  It’s a celebration of life and the people that lived it as soldiers.

So, when you see a veteran today, say thank you…and make sure you say thank you for living, not for sacrificing.

The Atlanta Braves are still in Atlanta…sort of.  The Braves announced today that they will be relocating to Cobb County beginning in 2017 with the construction of a new baseball facility that was not previously used for the Olympics and therefore avoids the barren wasteland that is Turner Field.

Braves executives John Schuerholz, Mike Plant and Derek Schiller, in a meeting with a small group of reporters, said the new ballpark will be built at the northwest intersection of I-75 and I-285 in the Galleria/Cumberland Mall area. They said the team has “secured” approximately 60 acres of land for the project.

The Braves said the stadium is projected to cost $672 million, including parking, land and infrastructure, and will be built in partnership with Cobb County.

Technically, Atlanta remains in Atlanta, as the facility will rest comfortably in the 30339 zip code that I can confirm is Atlanta.  The biggest question in my mind is this – since the old stadium was already made into a parking lot, and there’s no new stadium to make Turner Field into a parking lot for, what happens to all that parking?  Eh, who cares…

Denver beat San Diego yesterday 28-20, which was closer than it should have been but enough to tease Philip Rivers into thinking “Hey, maybe there’s a shot…” until there wasn’t.  Why is it that we enjoy that?  Because Philip Rivers is the biggest douchebag in history (well, maybe not the biggest in history…but still…he’s up there).  Just to confirm his douchebaggery, you can refer to here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.  Learn to throw, win a Super Bowl, and then you can somewhat justify existing, you ass.

There are still communists out there…somewhere…I guess it’s called Transnistria.

So, Spurs had a successful trip to Transnistria today…er, Moldova…for their Europa League tie against Sheriff Tiraspol.  I’ve literally had a dozen people ask me if the place Spurs played today is real.  A dozen, so for the half dozen of you that read this blog, here’s a late night post about Transnistria…er, Moldova:

  • Lewis Holtby, our spritely German midfield, thought Tiraspol was actually in Northern Ireland.  Turns out he was way off – like in about 1,500 miles way off.  As you can see from the fancy map below, there is the whole continent of Europe inbetween.


  • Apparently Transnistria still considers commies to be cool.  The national flag dons the hammer and sickle.  You know, you’ve seen it when watching Mike Eruzione and the rest of our boys in Disney’s version of the Miracle on Ice.  You saw that because we beat the commies.  Consequently, we are also undefeated against the Transnistrian National Hockey Team…
  • …which leads to the third interesting fact – nobody cares who Transnistria is.  It’s a breakaway republic in Moldova that has it’s own constitution, parliament, government, military, postal service, etc.  Problem is, Moldova is recognized internationally and Transnistria is not…and why would anyone not want to recognize this beautiful land.  Point being, Transnistria doesn’t technically exist.
  • When the occupy movement complained of big business running America, I would venture to guess many of them had not heard of Transnistria either.  Why?  One company pretty much runs the show there – Sheriff.  It. Runs.  Everything.  That’s quite a literal statement, too.  According to Wikipedia, “Sheriff owns a chain of petrol stations, a chain of supermarkets, a TV channel, a publishing house, a construction company, a Mercedes-Benz dealer, an advertising agency, a spirits factory, two bread factories, a mobile phone network, the football club FC Sheriff Tiraspol and its newly built Sheriff Stadium at an estimated cost of $200 million including a five-star hotel still under construction.”  You can say it owns everything because, after all, there is nothing else there.

So, it’s not in Northern Ireland, it’s a country of commies run by a corporation, and it doesn’t really exist.  But, UEFA counts the points earned there today in the Europa League.  #winning

American Football Tidbits – September 16, 2013

Manning Sucks because Manning is oh so good…

The Manning Bowl ended in predictable fashion with the Older-Better Brother winning against the Younger-Worse Brother.  Here’s an interesting tidbit about the Broncos, though.  In addition to being the best team ever (statistically true), the team has scored 90 points in two games, Peyton Manning in on pace for 72 touchdowns and no interceptions, and the defense – sans Champ Bailey and Von Miller – has 6 interceptions and 5 sacks.  Pretty impressive stuff.

The best part?  They’re not evening playing their best ball yet.

Seattle is the real deal.

I don’t necessarily mean the American football team, although last night showed they have some talent.  Beating the defending NFC Champion 49ers 29-3 is no small feat, and they are no bad team.  Seattle may look to a Super Bowl berth where, if true to form, they’ll play an old AFC West rival…duh, the Denver Broncos.

No, Seattle may be the real deal as a sports city.  Hard to believe, but it’s a very real possibility.  Seattle’s sports district is actually top-notch, with both Century Link and Safeco Field in close proximity to some good bars and such.  It isn’t Wrigley, but it certainly ain’t Turner.  More than that, the Link is raucous!  Set a world record for loudest stadium last night, and it routinely fits 40k+ for MLS matches.  So, is it safe to say that Seattle is legit as a sports city?  Well, yes and no…

…they did lose a basketball franchise to Oklahoma City.

Get Excited

Pittsburgh.  Cincinnati.  Monday Night.

Get your knitting needles, and don’t try to stab yourself out of boredom halfway through the game.  However, ol’ Georgia boy A.J. Green is playing tonight…so I guess that means something…anything?


Tottenham can win the EPL.

EricksenSpurs hosted Norwich City today, and thoroughly dominated every aspect of the game.  Here are some key stats:

Possession:  69% (TOT), 31% (NOR)
Shots (On Goal):  23(7) (TOT), 5(1) (NOR)

Of course, possession is nothing if you can’t score the goals.  Prior to this game, Tottenham had scored exactly zero from open play.  The two winning goals came from Soldado scoring from the penalty spot.  That said, the transfer window is closed, AVB brought in new signings since the international break, and the team looked a very impressive side today.

Most notably, Christian Ericksen looked absolutely phenomenal today.  The creativity in the midfield he will bring is exactly what this team lacked last season.  Townsend and Rose both starred today, as well.  Lamela still hasn’t had the opportunity to really dive into the team; as an Argentinian, he travelled back and forth to South America for the international fixtures the past week.  As this team comes together and gels, the possibility that silverware may come in the form of an EPL title is not entirely out of reason.  The Europa League should be a priority as it can serve as a springboard into great things next season.

Chelsea looked beat by Everton (and the scoreline reflected that), Arsenal got lucky with some bad calls, Manchester City was unable to impress against Stoke, and Manchester United still looks out of sorts.

This is a team built to win a title.  They showed why today.